OK, seriously. When I call your number, you can't both claim that you've never heard of the person I'm trying to reach and offer to take a message for her. It's one or the other. Isn't that obvious?

This is the kind of advice that is too stupid, too obvious, to make it into Dan's Big Book of Wisdom, that tome of useful, enlightening facts like "Beer before Liquor, Never Sicker," "Wet your Face before You Shave," and "I am Not Your Mom." There's still time to order before the holidays.