Dear god of theses,

I know I don't usually pray to you — sometimes I wonder if you even exist — but could you please allow me to finish my thesis without getting distracted every fifteen minutes? One single-spaced page an hour is not too much to ask.

I wanted to be done with my first twenty pages on Saturday... and now it's Tuesday. People in my group are waiting.

But you can still pull this out — if you grant me the strength to finish tonight, I promise to bake something delicious in your honor.