So last night one of the other drivers was tipped with a can of beer instead of money. It's not really that unheard of — one customer tried to tip me with coffee — but since he didn't like the brand (Bud Light), he brought it inside and gave it to our crazy-religious assistant manager.

That was a mistake. Our assistant manager doesn't drink, and her only experience with alcohol was some champagne when she was 16.

Crazy-Ass: I got tipsy off of one glass.
Our Bold Hero: It always takes a lot less champagne than you think, in my experience.

Sensing that her authority would provide a useful Trojan horse for her moralizing, she rushed to the phone to call the customers. "If they ever give alcohol to one of my drivers again…" she muttered.

The driver who'd received the beer was able to talk her out of the phone call, and the day was saved.

I had my own brush with this teetotaler earlier this week, when I asked for next Monday off for drinking-related reasons. Her horror at the thought of me, or anyone, drinking ("I can't imagine anyone seeing a "good side" to drinking") struck me as especially ill-informed.

I would have pulled out my favorite Milton quote, the one about fugitive and cloistered virtues, but I've given up trying to convince the crazy-religious assistant manager of anything.

Yesterday was a good day for drinking, though. Thanks in part to the friendly stoner at work, who picked up my Sunday shift, I can attend all of Graham's 21st birthday drunkening.

And I talked to Jubb (crazy-religious in a much different way), who placed a large Everclear order for our room's inaugural wop party, tenatively set for the first Monday. If I can find some that's cheap enough, that is.

(Aside: After quite a bit of searching, I can find neither a definitive spelling for "wop" or "WOP" nor a clue as to its etymology. I'm hesitant to tie it to the obvious "wop", that vulgar word for Italians which (despite the insistence of ignorant folk etymologists who claim it stands for "WithOut Papers) probably comes from guappo, an Italian word meaning "thug."

And I'm suspicious of claims that wop/WOP is an acronym — as Ripon College's Drugs and Alcohol policy statement implies — because as we saw with aforementioned racial slur, it's easy to make words into acronyms after the fact. For now, just understand that WOP (or wop) is roughly equivalent to what some people call Jungle Juice.

My best guess is that "wop" is being used as a variant form of "whop", an outdated noun meaning "An act of whopping; a heavy blow or impact; a bump." Anything that needs that much Everclear has to pack a punch.)

While I was asking for Monday off, I decided that the following Friday, the 17th, would be a good last day. Assuming that I can get everything packed and ready, I should be back at Lawrence on the 18th, where I'll be laying low until Sunday, the official move-in date.

I can tell already that I'm romanticizing Lawrence, just like I romanticized Brainerd spring term. The grass is always greener, and all that.

In my defense, I'm trying to keep my expectations in check; there's nothing worse than not enjoying a good thing because you were expecting it to be a great thing.