I've lapsed into a somewhat mind-numbing routine, alternating between my computer, my Xbox, and the downstairs television like some especially dorky migratory bird.

But I'm not about to become a total recluse. Not until I've chalked up enough spectacular social blunders to convince Our Bold Hero that leaving his room is a bad idea.

In that spirit, I had an incredibly awkward moment with my mom today.

Some background, because I love to ramble: Our home, like many others, is blessed with a DirectTV TiVo system, which I've scheduled to record the programs my erratic schedule doesn't always allow me to see.

I just realized the full potential of TiVo a week ago, when I set it to record every new episode of The Daily Show. Why I didn't do this last summer, I have no idea.

And I've also set it to record Penn & Teller's show. So far, I've recorded two episodes.

And this brings me back to the story.

With the help of the stars, I'd successfully navigated my way downstairs to watch some pre-recorded television and eat some pepperoni pizza.

I decided to watch Penn & Teller. The subject of the show was New Age crap, and this episode was just a mediocre and lazy as all the other "debunking" they've done this season. Every now and then they brought in an expert, but Penn and Teller spent the bulk of their time mocking the easiest targets they could find.

Halfway through the show, my mom sat down on the other couch. She'd never seen Penn & Teller's show, but I brought her up to speed on the newest target: "Vortexes" in Sedona, Arizona. We've been to Sedona (and I have the oversized T-shirt to prove it) so that was enough to get her to stay.

With eight minutes left in the show, they introduced the next target: tantric sex.

I like the show, and I'd been watching the past twenty minutes, so I saw no reason to abruptly flip the channel. I decided to act like it was no big deal.

After all, I've watched Family Guy with my mom in the room (though I chose the episodes carefully) and I remember sitting next to her in the theater during the nude scene in Titanic, as quietly as I possibly could sit.

So this skeazy guy from Hawaii was explaining tantric sex and all I could think was: please don't show tantric sex. This is a cable show, after all, and whenever they can work in nudity they will.

But they didn't start with nudity. After skeazy had finished his little rant, they showed him teaching a class.

He pulled out a vagina puppet and asked it:
"Can I polish your pearl"?

My mom didn't last much longer after that. She mumbled something about the garbage on t.v. these days and beat a hasty retreat.

Which is a good thing, because when she left I exhaled, and I think I'd been holding my breath since the tantra guy had first come on. Also, it's a safe bet that I was probably blushing.

The rest of the episode was full of saucy vagina puppets and talk of "pearl polishing" and — because I'm totally right about cable — actual naked pearl polishing.

So that was my awkward moment of the summer. Year, even.

I don't think I can go down from here. I almost want to try and do just that, but, well, I have more sense than that…